Offense
Birthdays offer a reason to celebrate. And some birthdays are more significant than others—those we call milestones or the “Big” 4-O, 5-O, etc.
Having had both the “Big” 4-O and 5-O, I must admit neither passed with much brouhaha. I don’t recall either being spent on my birth date; in fact, since my three sisters and I were all born within a week of each other, our family usually selects a date we can all get together for a dinner and we celebrate them simultaneously.
My 50th presented a challenge to me. Having terminated my boss a year earlier, my employer had positioned me as the only person in my department, the requirements of which were beyond my expertise. So, a month before my birthday, without warning, a man had been hired as my supervisor. His was a personality that was difficult to deal with and, like me, many of my coworkers bristled at his approach.
My brother phoned him on the day of my 50th, asking if he could take me to a special lunch, and my boss rudely and brusquely told him it was not a good idea. I had worked for this employer for nearly 4 years, rarely took lunch breaks, had more than 2 weeks’ vacation built up, was never late to work and was considered a professional, loyal employee. Since the evening of my birthday was going to be spent in a work-related course I had been enrolled in, this man unilaterally ruined a day I’ll never have the opportunity of having again.
Bridge (After the Storm)
Quite simply, I didn’t like my boss. He didn’t give me any reason to like him. Though he repeatedly reminded me that he was a former minister, his actions and demeanor were totally opposite of what I thought the profession would espouse. It was a difficult season in my life because, not only did I have to work with him, I had to train him, and a few months later I learned why.
The day of my birthday, my coworkers threw me a party and my boss attended, glowering and noticeably angry. After the get-together, he came to my office, stood at my desk a moment, began to walk out and (with his back facing me) said, “No hard feelings.” And though I was deeply offended by his behavior that day and every fiber of my being wanted to vehemently disagree, I said nothing.
Long after, I realized this man had been hired into a company I’d never understood. From the day I started, I had felt like my lay-off was right around the corner, since many weeks came and went with the termination of at least one employee. And I couldn’t have been alone…the atmosphere was tense, apprehensive, and uncomfortable. That’s why, a few months after my birthday, I realized the reason I trained this man was because he was my replacement when I was finally—and blessedly—laid off.
Blesson
My employment with this firm provided me an income for several years and I was able to accrue some knowledge that has aided me in other positions. But, clearly, the atmosphere wasn’t conducive to creating working relationships with others and emitted an environment that was cold, indifferent, and distant. Days would pass without my seeing another person in the office, except if passing in the hall.
The organization didn’t inspire creativity or teamwork, and I never felt welcome or accepted. The surroundings only added to my culminating feelings of offense and resentment. Wondering each day whether my head was next on the chopping block was counter-productive and caused me to succumb to fears and uncertainty, questioning my skills and making mistakes. In full disclosure, my employer never got 100% from me, due to those realities. That probably led to management thinking my abilities weren’t on par with their needs.
Looking back, I realize that seedlings of inferiority, if left to become rooted and grow, can have a negative effect on productivity and progress. Had I derailed those destructive emotions by placing more trust and reliance on the true meaning of God’s promise that Christ is in us and we are in Him, and had found my strength in that wisdom, I would not have been so uncomfortable during my four years of employment with this company. Though I knew this in my head, my heart and emotions found it was easier to succumb to the damaging imprisonment of my discouragement and misery. Oh to have had the faith to rely on His promise!
Substance
Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
“Why did you let me down?
Why am I walking around in tears,
harassed by enemies?”
They’re out for the kill, these
tormentors with their obscenities,
Taunting day after day,
“Where is this God of yours?”
11 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He’s my God. (Psalm 42, 9-11 The Message)
So that, [just] as sin has reigned in death, [so] grace (His unearned and undeserved favor) might reign also through righteousness (right standing with God) which issues in eternal life through Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One) our Lord. (Romans 5:21 Amplified)
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