FORGIVENESS

He was someone I trusted and looked up to as a friend. We worked together for a little under five years, first as supervisor (him) and employee (me), and later as colleagues on several projects he designed in conjunction with a small business he developed. Most of the work I did for him was monetarily uncompensated since there was always the promise that he would “make it up to me” someday. 

One afternoon he suggested that he put me in charge of some investment properties he had procured and said he would help me establish this concept under a business with my name. Thinking this would be a great way to make a little extra money, I bought into his idea. For months I earned no money. His tenants would pay rent, I would deposit the rent checks in a bank account, and issue my friend’s IRA account a check every quarter. I never did see any monetary gain. In early summer, I told him I was no longer interested in this business and, though he was disappointed, he agreed but asked me to continue working in this regard until he found someone else.

In late summer that same year, he asked me to convert more than 1000 overhead gels to PowerPoint slides and said it was “payable work.” At the same time, we discussed the end of our business agreement, and he said he had found someone else but would need to have me and his new hire meet at the bank to transfer signing privileges. Meanwhile, he asked me to sign two additional checks so he could finalize some business transactions. Foolishly, since I trusted my friend, I provided the checks to him. 

As you may have guessed, I never was paid for the PowerPoint slides, and he cleaned out the bank account, leaving me to wonder what I had been doing for the past couple of years. He would not respond to any contact from me, and this person I called a friend for seven years had suddenly become an enemy.

I had a decision to make. Would I let this debauchery consume me? 

Bridge (After the Storm)

I would be lying if I said that one hundred percent of the time I forgave readily, freely, relinquishing all resentment. That in itself tells me how far I have to go to be more and more like Jesus. Quite frankly, I was pretty angry with this man. He was like Jacob and I felt like Esau. He had used me, lied to me, cheated me, and swindled me. Aside from that, he had abused my trust and taken advantage of our friendship. Despite the direction we’re given in the Bible to never let the sun go down while remaining angry, I awoke morning after morning, ruminating about this situation and feeling righteously outraged. 

And as the days wore into weeks and the weeks into months and even longer, God gave me revelation. I slowly realized this man had a family he was supporting, with two girls in college, and surmised that he had probably reacted to the nation’s economic downfall with fear and, in so doing, collected any financial means he had from failing financial institutions. Perhaps this was a clinical supposition, but I wasn’t getting any rationale from him or anyone else, just a “heart massage” that only God can give. That special touch that you sense is making a difference in your feelings.

Throughout this slow recovery, God helped me realize my unforgiveness and anger had been taking up far too much of my time and effort; I was bored with my repetitive thoughts, and if I was weary with my ruminating, I figured God was as well. I made a decision and, suddenly, as if a hard shell broke inside of me, I felt better. I had decided to give this matter to God and forgive this man.

Blesson

There are times when God asks us to do something that just doesn’t make sense to us. Forgiving others, for instance. When someone wrongs us, the natural inclination is to be angry and feel perfectly righteous about the urge to retaliate. Brooding over the situation and planning our vindication can become obsessive and dangerous.    

I must admit that I am awestruck and humbled when I hear a story of someone whose life has been devastated by an unspeakable crime, and the victim forgives the perpetrator wholly and without retaliation. In those circumstances, I tend to reevaluate various incidents in my life and question whether I am still holding a grudge or feeling resentment. It is not easy shining a spotlight on those hidden areas within my soul. Sometimes I’ve even thought I’d long ago forgiven a misdeed. Yet when God focused His light on one of these, revealing the acrid stench and prevailing darkness of my unforgiveness, I have been reminded of how often I have relied on His ready and willing forgiveness for my many indiscretions. 

Why do we feel so much more deserving of forgiveness than one who has wronged us, who is, by Biblical accounts, created equally, thereby being equally deserving? Perhaps we have a tendency to use a large brush when painting our flaws and recklessness; but, in an attempt to appear superior and badly mistreated so others will view us as martyrs, we use a fine tip to fill in all the details of another’s transgression.

The process toward forgiving this man was arduous. But the lessons I learned from this experience were invaluable. I have established boundaries that will not only create balance in my life but will make me more cognizant in areas where I have tended to be too lenient and naively trusting. And forgiving this man was such a release! I no longer had to carry the weight of anger, disdain, and faultfinding, which only hurt my spiritual progress and kept my creativity imprisoned by continuously regurgitating self-pity, animosity, and indignation. These feelings had essentially created a barrier to the storehouse of blessings God had set aside for me, and when removed, He was finally able to give me the anointing I needed to move forward.

Substance

He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends. Proverbs 17:9 (Amplified)

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.  Colossians 3:12 (The Message)